June 01, 2005

Coming Out

Downtownlad had his one year anniversary of coming out as a gay man yesterday. Which surprised me, since his writings come off as someone who is confident in his sexuality. He explains more here.

There are some interesting similarities with my life, although my family took it better than his did.

I dated girls some during high school and beyond. In high school, it was at most 3-4 dates, with women either from my church youth group or arranged by various debutant parties. I went out with a girl from my college junior year [I think] for several months - she was more than a bit strange and a vegetarian. And, I went out with a nurse during part of residency.

Please note: none of that went beyond second base. During high school and college I could tell myself I was saving myself for marriage. I kept telling myself that I just needed to find the right woman. As years went by, that became less convincing.

About 5-6 years ago I came to the conscious realization that I was turned on by guys, not girls, and this meant that I was gay. This rocked my world. My basic life plan involved getting married and having 2.5 children and various pets, with me working and my wife might or might not be working. My plan needed retooling.

I came out to some close friends about 4 years ago - a married couple, she was pregnant and they wanted to name me godparent. Coming out to them was hard; I don't know how long I would have delayed if there wasn't a time constraint. After that I came out to my parents, and then various other people. My parents didn't disown me, didn't say "We've always known and there's this cute guy who lives down the street..." It was difficult for them for the same kinds of reasons it was difficult for me - they weren't going to have grandkids.

Still trying to wrap my head around the whole concept [which is probably the whole mistake - thinking, not doing].

For someone thinking about coming out, the advice I got was to do it in person. I think this was wise. And don't do it during a major event - no blurting out "I'm gay" at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Posted by Owlish at June 1, 2005 02:42 AM

Interesting tale. I hope that whatever you have figured out yourself to be, that you find happiness being it. That's all.

And from what I understand, grandchildren are not ruled out because of homosexuality. Nor should they be, really. A kid just needs a loving home, you know? And ice cream, probably.

Posted by: RP at June 10, 2005 12:33 PM

Ok, so it's not impossible for me to have a kid. But, raising a child on my own would be difficult; the chance that I'm going to find a guy that I want to live the rest of my life with who wants to have a kid, and either adopt or do a 21st century health care involved impregnation of a woman, in the next 7 years or so [I'm 38 now, and wouldn't want to be over 65 when the kid is 20] seems unlikely.

So, for now anyway I'm spoiling my godson.

On the other hand, I've got 2 straight friends, one from high school, one from college, both married, both want kids [I'm not sure in one case, but I think so], and neither do. So, you work with the hand life deals you.

Posted by: owlish at June 10, 2005 03:04 PM

Ice cream helps with that hand, you know! But still, odds or not, it isn't impossible. Hard, but not out of the question.

Posted by: RP at June 13, 2005 07:28 PM
Post a comment

Remember personal info?